Jim Fuglie's News from the Trail

Fellow Democrats,

You just have to admire John Hoeven for one thing: his ability to stay on message. Every political candidate in America ought to take his “Stay On Message” workshop. He’s the expert who can teach it. His message is that North Dakota is friendly to business. In Hoevenspeak, an incomplete sentence is one that does not contain the word business. I’m pretty sure that he has not issued a single sentence from his mouth in the last 5 ½ years that did not contain the word “business.” Even at home, I’d bet. “Kids, get that homework business done. If you’re going to get one of my good-paying jobs in one of those call centers after you get out of business school, you need to get business-like grades in 5th grade.” I expect his romantic conversations, since he was about old enough to consider romance, have included the phrase “monkey business.”

God, his life must be so boring, forcing himself to never stray away from the business of courting business. Or at least telling us he’s doing that, while he secretly escapes and plays his favorite games. He probably has some outlets that let him relax. I can just imagine the fun the Hoevens must have when the Dalrymples come over to visit. “Hey, everybody, let’s play our favorite game: Monopoly!”

“Oops, sorry, Jack, you’ve landed on St. Charles Place, and I have a hotel there that is just full of people with good-paying jobs, and you’re going to have to pay me a bunch of rent, because those darn Republicans in the Legislature just won’t put any money in school funding and so my property taxes have gone up and the rent has to go up just too keep up with all the bills.”

“Well, Governor, you’ve just landed on my railroad, but that’s okay, you can ride free, because the Attorney General says it’s okay for you to take free rides from the railroad.”

Okay, sorry to digress there. I had a point when I started this. Yesterday I was cruising down the highway headed west listening to Prairie Public Radio and here comes a story by Dave Thompson about the Governor appointing a new district judge in Bismarck. His name is not important, at least not in this rant. Now, I was driving, so I couldn’t write down the exact quote, but it was something like this:

“He’s done a lot of civil litigation. So he understands business. As we work to build the best business climate in America, that’s important.”

I swear. He said that. On the radio. Can you say that? I don’t think you can say that! At least not on the radio. Just think about that for a minute. He’s talking about appointing a new Judge. Not an Economic Development Director, which he appointed a few months ago. Not a Public Service Commissioner, or a Tax Commissioner, both of which he has appointed in the last couple of years. No, this is a Judge.

So what’s the deal here? Was he just reaching for a connection to his mantra—no pronouncement without a business connection? If so, that’s a real goofy reach, Governor. How can a judicial appointment affect business in North Dakota?

Or can it? Is this guy saying “Hey we’re going to send our economic development folks out and tell businesses around the country to move to North Dakota, because we’re appointing business-friendly judges.”? That’s kinda what it sounded like. I don’t like the sound of that much.

Hey, Governor, we want judges who will PUT METH DEALERS IN JAIL! We want judges who will make sure DEADBEAT PARENTS WILL PAY THEIR CHILD SUPPORT! We want judges who will ENFORCE THE WORKERS COMP LAWS! We want judges who will HELP OUR YOUNG PEOPLE WORK THROUGH DRUG ADDICTION PROBLEMS.

Now I don’t have any reason to believe that this new judge, whose name is not important here, doesn’t come to this job ready to do those things. I think he was just the innocent victim of either a goofy governor who just couldn’t let any public pronouncement go by without tying in a business connection (likely), or a scary governor who really believes--and was dropping a not-so-subtle hint to this new appointee--that he can appoint people to the bench who will issue favorable rulings to businesses if they have a little trouble complying with our laws (possible).

Personally, I think he’s goofy, not scary. At least I hope so. But you just never know.

See you on the Trail,

Jim